This may be a repeat of some words, for I accidentally just lost the page. So I will start again.
Thank you for this very deep share, with great honesty and heart centeredness. Coming from there it is easy to say more than we intend. I’ve been there.
Who You Truly Are, We All Are is kind and caring, intuitive and smart, wanting to help others. It’s the way we were made and lived as young children.
However, at some point in humanity’s movement forward, this was forgotten, and instead a separation from these good qualities was replaced by self-criticisms, those passed on to others, they becoming self-criticizers also, hence the world we live in where judgments and wounding occurs all around. And we all, so doing, make up the world’s populations, and countries acting out of self and other wounding in reprisals.
Perhaps weep and revel in reclaiming the goodness you and we all were as children, for the healing of the world depends on us, being that with each other and ourselves, once again.
Others’ perceptions or misperceptions of you can come from their own self-misperceptions, but acting as much as possible from the goodness we are will also then be seen by them. Only this is important in what others think of us. Anything astray from that can be left behind.
This is part of what is called the perennial wisdom, that consciousness living in every being, we connected to the universal good that we see lives in nature when allowed to be balanced. We are part of it all and are here to be a part of a kind creation.
Here's something I wished I'd discussed in the essay (I missed a lot and could've written ten thousand words on this topic, easily): We can never know others' perceptions (judgments) of us. Even if they tell us what they think of us, we can't know how truthful they're being. So, all the perceptions others have of me are constructed in my imagination, I think (I'll find an issue with this statement in ten minutes). suppose I could now say everything is constructed in our imaginations . . . Oy. See, this was why my brain hurt so much writing this piece. I am not an intellectual. I have a volatile and uncooperative brain. In some way, shape, or whatever, everybody's perceptions, I think, seem to influence everybody's perceptions (judgments, imagination). I should stop. I'm digging a hole.
You are right, in that our perceptions and imaginings can create our experiences.
There is one perspective however, from which you will be at the center of the merry-go-round, not riding one or various of the animals, you and others changing where you sit, and influenced by what you, and others, seem to be from that position.
I don't have the time to give this wonderful comment an appropriate response right now but will when I can. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. Thank you for taking the time to read the essay and write such a thoughtful comment.
We are born with that innate goodness, that instinct of knowing right from wrong. We may disconnect from that spirit, from nature, family and life as a whole, but recovery of our authenticity is always possible. No matter how far we stray from the path. Thanks for sharing your insights in such a positive, touching way Peggy. I needed to read your words today.
In the grand scheme of things, I am continuously staggered at how little I know. But, as are we all, I’m a work in progress. I look forward to reading your stacks!
Thank you Peggy. I’m glad I found you today. Those delightful words of yours reset my thinking at a crucial time, to do with family situations. There are no coincidences!👏✍️
Something also came in about a work in progress Maybe yet to come here. We are all a work in progress. I write about the external world, and like I said, I’m going to write shorter pieces, but hoping also to incorporate our deep needs and spiritual expressions as part of it, maybe quietly embedded within the messages. 🙏
Have you ever read CS Lewis's "Till We Have Faces"? I first read it 20 years ago and it continues to haunt me still. I return to it often. The book is a re-telling of the myth of Psyche and Eros, told from the perspective of one of Pysche's sisters. It is entirely about the construction of self-identity, and how that sense of self is often at odds (though we rarely find this out) with how others actually see us. In that story, Psyche's sister must confront how her own warped sense of self, and her own self-placement at the center of her own story (as opposed to rightly seeing herself as but a player in the lives of others), has been the source of much of the pain Psyche and others endure.
I haven't even heard of it. I must read it—immediately. Thank you for the recommendation. I'm ashamed to say Lewis is a writer I have yet to fully explore. I own some copies of his nonfiction works but still haven't read them.
I believe you would benefit from "reading" by "listening" - you know about "Audible" books, don't you, Corey? It's a service that Amazon features on its "books listings"....put a favorite tome "under your pillow" (in audio form) and "read" while sleeping..you'll digest it better and your sleep won't be affected if you keep the volume low (truly).
I understand - digital is more distant - but since your thoughts are so rambling, I thought you may have the same "issue" that my friend, Jeff, has. He would rather 'listen' then 'read'!
A great piece. Some of the best intuitive writing on here. If I sound like a mom, there’s a reason, so with that said: you have no need to apologize, explain, keep any of who you are in anything but the sun. You are a fascinating, complex human, instructive - and an important voice - on how to live a life.
Corey, I am likely your oldest subscriber, old enough to be your mother and with my professional experience old enough to be your grandmother. My brief response may not justify this long well thought written work: It's always 'Both And' in life....
without stating unnecessary numbers, i feel I am with you in the age range.... and i agree with what Corey’s writings brings and offers to us, the readers
Thank you for the compliments. It makes feel all warm and fuzzy knowing you enjoy the words that much. I never thought so many people would relate to my stories and critical self-examinations. It's wonderful—that sounds cheesy, but it's true.
This is a great one, Corey. I would have understood your initial comment, if I'd come across it at the time.
I've had to wrangle with my own self image lately. I'm a middle aged woman who just decided to hell with it, I need to shave my damned menopausal mustache. In a perfect world I would not have to worry about it, and I'm autistic enough not to care, but that doesn't do me any favors when the culture around me is twitchy about facial hair on women.
There's also this weird thing where my bio dad is slowly dying right now--dementia, alcoholism, and diabetes. Not sure how he's still alive, actually, but he's pretty tough. I'm adopted and he's adopted, and when we met each other (when I was 38) were were the only people we'd ever met who looked like us. This is a very strange and powerful bond, even though I didn't get much time with him before he started to really lose his mind. But in the past few months, as he's been dwindling, all I was able to see when I looked in the mirror was "ugly, broken old man." That's HIS self-image, not mine. The mustache thing didn't help!
I did some shamanic work last week. Now I can see myself in the mirror again, not my dad. It's a relief.
A sad but wonderful story about your father. I imagine you're immensely grateful for the time you've had with him.
I try not to look in mirrors unless necessary. It's too much, almost creepy. But vanity still has its way, despite the face looking back at me being so worn and uncertain.
The obsessions our culture has with appearance is unfortunate and sad. I hate when I catch myself worrying about a small stain on a shirt that I didn't know existed when I put the shirt on, and then I spend twenty minutes wondering if I should change. The conversation with myself almost always turns existential, as most do when I talk to myself. Mirrors are terrible objects.
Dude. I am SO grateful that I got to meet my dad. Even though it so weird and sad right now. It's like we were a tribe of two that got separated, but we recognized each other immediately when reunited even after all those decades.
Closed adoption sucks, and it's deeply unethical, but I won't get into that mess here.
As to mirrors - my dad and I mirrored each other, very closely. We had the same mannerisms and I think even the same vocal inflections. Human mirrors, with genetics and karma dictating the reflection. A mirror as an object is a tool. A mirror as a person? That's hard to wrap words around. I'm not ready to write about that. He's still dying. Probably I'll get around to it after he passes and things calm down.
It sometimes takes a long time before we can write about certain aspects of our lives. For three years, I tried writing about addiction and other crazy parts of my previous life and had to stop. I couldn't get anywhere with it—I was using fiction, too, writing a novel, to talk about, yet I still couldn't get past whatever was holding me back. Not until I wrote about that stuff on Substack last fall had I finally had any success. I wrote a three-part series about it, and when I was finished, I was depleted, my brain empty, my emotions wrecked. It was difficult.
I get you. There are pieces of my life I'm not sure I'll ever be able to write about. I never say never, but more like "not now" or "we'll see" but they're so intense that I can't get a grip on them, or there's also the fact that since I was raised between three different cultures there are experiences that don't translate to any culture at all, and are just plain difficult to explain. And I shy away from too much of the adoption stuff. People want to see adoption as this amazing cure-all, and it's not, and I don't have the bandwidth generally to push back against that idea.
Your writing about your addiction experiences is powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing it. I hope that crystallizing it into text helps you, too.
Yeah, some people get a tad feisty when you dismantle their cuddly notions on certain topics. I would probably shy away from talking about it, too, which is exactly why you should talk about.
Hahaha I'll pick my time. Got a lot on my plate right now, but it's not going anywhere, so I'll work it through when the energy is right.
I don't need to be on the vanguard of that topic. There are plenty of other adopted and donor conceived people out there who are younger and have more energy to be the tip of the spear. I'm 50 and I came here to build art visible from space, so that's where my energy goes right now.
I'll have to return to this delightful comment later when I have the time to read it more carefully and write an appropriate response. Sorry. I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I appreciate your reading the essay. Thank you.
For whatever it’s worth, your piece prompted this response. If it’s off-base, feel free to delete.
Laughing is okay, too.
Identity, self-perception, objectivity, subjectivity-none of this occurs without judgment, one’s own or the judgment of others. And whether you call that judgment objective or subjective, it’s always based on the choices someone makes. Perhaps the most honest assessment I can give of myself is, “I am not who you think I am, and I am not even who I think I am.”
Two of your points stick out to me
1. People cannot see your intentions.
I think this is true. Often, we ourselves can’t see what our intentions are, or we misread them because of who we think we ought to be at any given moment.
Whatever people think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
2. It’s what happens outside your head that people will remember.
What people will remember will never be objective. It will always be based on their judgment of what they believe they see and hear.
And whatever they think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
Most of what you said were points I wanted to make, but it was all too much for my brain. I had to stop adding stuff and fix what I had and move on. Judgments, yes, because we can never know what really happens. How perceptions are influenced by everything that happens and doesn't happen to us was another thing I wanted to touch on. You know what I mean? Like, if I am five minutes late to work, I'll perceive your morning hello differently than if I were five minutes early and had had time to stop for a coffee and a cruller. Luckily, I don't need to leave the house for work. Intentions are often like lies, not that they are lies, but that many lies (that I don't consider lies) are not lies when the promise is made. We don't know what we will do because we don't know our intentions tomorrow or what challenges the day might bring. That made more sense in my head. Too much time at my computer lately.
I avoid making, or asking for promises for exactly that reason. They can be sincere, but can they be fulfilled? I prefer to have the best of intentions and do my best to stick to them.
What a post! Thanks for sharing such personal stuff, Corey. Knowing more about someone's story is how we gain insight into what shapes their own subjective outlook (and in-look). Honest, vulnerable shares are the most potent reads I find on Substack, and I cherish them. Here's to you...
I resonated immensely with your disclaimer. Sometimes I think of people as snakes who shed their skin each night. We can say some sacred words of blessing over the shed skin and leave it lay, or we can attempt to put it back on and stay who were were. Although doing that just adds countless layers of insulation between us and the world and means there's a lot of dead weight we're carry around. Another way of saying this is that we die to ourselves in any moment... something I feel your post takes direct aim at and hits its target well.
Wonderful job here, sir! And a great read to boot! My compliments.
Thank you, Jefferdam. I'm happy you resonated with any of it. I try to discuss things most people won't, faults and weaknesses included, and hope others can relate. Love the snake metaphor, too.
Who was it that said something like "We are a collection of everybody we've ever met?" Maya Angelou, I believe. Everything influences us. Great comment, Malcolm. Thank you.
Who I think I am informs how I act, and when I think myself different, I behave such. I can try on any way of thinking myself to be, and my actions will conform, so I don't believe others-perception and self-perception can be separated.
Thank you, Jody. As am I. I should've skipped the self-image bit and made the personal aspects its own piece to avoid the terror of thinking in depths I can't navigate.
‘I write what I think is interesting, not what I believe is true.’
Such fluidity in thinking, in living, is vital, as you express so well in your writing. Especially in this absolute gem of a piece, Corey. You need a lot of self awareness to produce, and then, with your readers, further explore work of this calibre. One for the archives. Well done. This may be the best I’ve read from you so far. I’ve read it twice and there’s more to be unpacked, it resonates so deeply with me. Bravo. 👏✍️
It’s always good to know you are not alone in trying to figure out who we are, what we have constructed, what is true. Even better when the other person is articulating what you cannot. Showing you, however, that it is possible.
I tried it. It wasn’t for me, but I have friends who swear by it. I’m stuck with this smoking lark for life, I think. That and coffee. Terrible being an addict, eh? I’ve knocked other substances on the head, but nicotine and caffeine are my downfall, I’m afraid.
I average six cups a day. I can never seem to get cut it any lower than four a day. Nicotine and caffeine, reading and writing—a fantastic combination. It's difficult to sleep four hours a night and write all day without six cups of coffee.
I’m on the reading, nicotine, and coffee treadmill since I was a teenager. It was just books before that. I now want.. need?.. to begin writing. And post the damn things! 😆
Seeing others, like Tommy Dixon, and your good self putting your heart and soul into writing, and then just putting it out there, is inspiring. The sharing of your stories, thoughts, and experiences are always appreciated. I may do a piece on procrastination! I’m somewhat of an expert.
I can write two thousand words on procrastination, easily, and give great tips on how to avoid doing anything other than read. I call it procrasti-reading. I stole that from somebody but forget whom.
I hear you. I just smoke more now. Keeps the hands busy! ;)
I particularly like the broadsheets on Sunday mornings. Sports supplements. Political columnist rants. Foreign news. Then 08 happened. I was in construction and it had been imploding since 07, plain to see for all of us at the coalface. The lies that the news channels and print media told throughout that time, and during the bail outs were sickening. Now that was propaganda. They just would not say the R word till the last overpriced mortgage had been saddled on some poor bastard. Haven’t bought one since.
Smoked a lot of cigarettes though. Just had the last one of the day and it’s almost time to get up and do it all over again. Damn insomnia. Good for reading. Not much else. Nite Corey. Great stack man. Well done.
I miss cigarettes. Over three years ago, I moved into a fourth-floor apartment with no balcony. I'm too lazy to walk downstairs every thirty minutes, so I started dipping, a much grosser habit, one I wish I never started. It's really disgusting. I am ashamed. I'll likely delete this comment later because it is my ugly secret.
Possible to express one’s feelings, thoughts, beliefs in writing. I inadvertently pressed the send button on the phone. Inspirational stuff my friend. Thanks again.
I love your disclaimer! It sounds a lot like mind, only you said it better. I think we all need to be more critical consumers of information. Without all of the yelling.
O my friend! You are so right! “ Subjectivity muddles reality!” Our lens on the world, life, ourselves and others is fundamentally distorted! Our perceptions are skewed! But it’s okay really if maybe we could just add a Rose colored tint and give each other the benefit of the doubt, assume we all mean well, have hope that live will conquer all. Live and peace to you my friend.
Greetings, Corey - sorry it took so long to read your latest sharing!! LOVED this sentence:
"I’ve lost hair and skin, learned a little, confessed, dug a hole, and had my first facial—courtesy of my daughter. My face hasn’t felt so smooth and soft since my pubescent days. No doubt, I am a changed man. "
Mainly because you have that sardonic wit about you - in every essay I've read thus far.
Keep on sharing - no matter how disgusted you may feel about the "effort" - because you are dedicated, truthful and have that delightfuf sardonic wit gift--your sharing WILL be worthy!
Thank you, Sharon. You know, you're the first person to quote the sentence with the facial in it. I'm surprised nobody has mentioned it. I forgot about it, actually. My face felt amazing. I'm looking forward to my next one. Yes, the effort can sometimes be daunting. But it'll never stop me.
Your heartfelt comments, no matter how you feel about them, really get me thinking. So much healing in your essays. Thank you.
Speaking of heartfelt comments . . . yours is just that. Thank you.
This may be a repeat of some words, for I accidentally just lost the page. So I will start again.
Thank you for this very deep share, with great honesty and heart centeredness. Coming from there it is easy to say more than we intend. I’ve been there.
Who You Truly Are, We All Are is kind and caring, intuitive and smart, wanting to help others. It’s the way we were made and lived as young children.
However, at some point in humanity’s movement forward, this was forgotten, and instead a separation from these good qualities was replaced by self-criticisms, those passed on to others, they becoming self-criticizers also, hence the world we live in where judgments and wounding occurs all around. And we all, so doing, make up the world’s populations, and countries acting out of self and other wounding in reprisals.
Perhaps weep and revel in reclaiming the goodness you and we all were as children, for the healing of the world depends on us, being that with each other and ourselves, once again.
Others’ perceptions or misperceptions of you can come from their own self-misperceptions, but acting as much as possible from the goodness we are will also then be seen by them. Only this is important in what others think of us. Anything astray from that can be left behind.
This is part of what is called the perennial wisdom, that consciousness living in every being, we connected to the universal good that we see lives in nature when allowed to be balanced. We are part of it all and are here to be a part of a kind creation.
Here's something I wished I'd discussed in the essay (I missed a lot and could've written ten thousand words on this topic, easily): We can never know others' perceptions (judgments) of us. Even if they tell us what they think of us, we can't know how truthful they're being. So, all the perceptions others have of me are constructed in my imagination, I think (I'll find an issue with this statement in ten minutes). suppose I could now say everything is constructed in our imaginations . . . Oy. See, this was why my brain hurt so much writing this piece. I am not an intellectual. I have a volatile and uncooperative brain. In some way, shape, or whatever, everybody's perceptions, I think, seem to influence everybody's perceptions (judgments, imagination). I should stop. I'm digging a hole.
Don't fret...we'll climb in that "haunting hole" with you, Corey! (smile)
Ahh, thank you, Sharon.
😂
Damn typo. Oooh, I can edit my comments. Didn't know that.
Neither did I! Must look into that. It’ll save me from deleting, and rewriting.
You are right, in that our perceptions and imaginings can create our experiences.
There is one perspective however, from which you will be at the center of the merry-go-round, not riding one or various of the animals, you and others changing where you sit, and influenced by what you, and others, seem to be from that position.
But, time for work.
My brain feels as if it's on a merry-go-round.
Welcome to my world!😆
Delightful!
Have a good day!
Thank you. You as well.
I don't have the time to give this wonderful comment an appropriate response right now but will when I can. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. Thank you for taking the time to read the essay and write such a thoughtful comment.
You might like my Substack account Our Wise Intelligences, for which I am going to start writing shorter pieces, also. .
Any time is good, if you’d like to respond. ❤️
We are born with that innate goodness, that instinct of knowing right from wrong. We may disconnect from that spirit, from nature, family and life as a whole, but recovery of our authenticity is always possible. No matter how far we stray from the path. Thanks for sharing your insights in such a positive, touching way Peggy. I needed to read your words today.
Thank you for this, Kevin. You know all this too. Let’s keep spreading the word. Thanks for following me. Peggy
In the grand scheme of things, I am continuously staggered at how little I know. But, as are we all, I’m a work in progress. I look forward to reading your stacks!
The less you think you know, the more you will learn.
Thank you Peggy. I’m glad I found you today. Those delightful words of yours reset my thinking at a crucial time, to do with family situations. There are no coincidences!👏✍️
Something also came in about a work in progress Maybe yet to come here. We are all a work in progress. I write about the external world, and like I said, I’m going to write shorter pieces, but hoping also to incorporate our deep needs and spiritual expressions as part of it, maybe quietly embedded within the messages. 🙏
I saved your latest post and will read later. I have to start working soon, once I get caught up in this thread.
😂👊
I am following Corey, but new to Substack, how do I find you, Kevin? Think I did
ask to follow you, so your posts should be coming in.
I’ll have a little look …
Have you ever read CS Lewis's "Till We Have Faces"? I first read it 20 years ago and it continues to haunt me still. I return to it often. The book is a re-telling of the myth of Psyche and Eros, told from the perspective of one of Pysche's sisters. It is entirely about the construction of self-identity, and how that sense of self is often at odds (though we rarely find this out) with how others actually see us. In that story, Psyche's sister must confront how her own warped sense of self, and her own self-placement at the center of her own story (as opposed to rightly seeing herself as but a player in the lives of others), has been the source of much of the pain Psyche and others endure.
I consider it one of Lewis's most profound works.
I haven't even heard of it. I must read it—immediately. Thank you for the recommendation. I'm ashamed to say Lewis is a writer I have yet to fully explore. I own some copies of his nonfiction works but still haven't read them.
I believe you would benefit from "reading" by "listening" - you know about "Audible" books, don't you, Corey? It's a service that Amazon features on its "books listings"....put a favorite tome "under your pillow" (in audio form) and "read" while sleeping..you'll digest it better and your sleep won't be affected if you keep the volume low (truly).
Oh no, I only read. I must have the book in my hand, too. I don't like reading digitally. I want to see the ink on the page and study the language.
I understand - digital is more distant - but since your thoughts are so rambling, I thought you may have the same "issue" that my friend, Jeff, has. He would rather 'listen' then 'read'!
I don't think I would absorb much listening. I reread a lot while I'm reading, especially passages I immediately love. But also for comprehension.
Hey, Corey, how is "Upwork" working out for you--just curious!
The REreading is Jeff's style and it frustates the living hell out of him--so he abandons "reading" stuff and instead "listens"!
That book sounds intriguing. I’ll add it to my list. Thanks for the recommendation.
A great piece. Some of the best intuitive writing on here. If I sound like a mom, there’s a reason, so with that said: you have no need to apologize, explain, keep any of who you are in anything but the sun. You are a fascinating, complex human, instructive - and an important voice - on how to live a life.
I may have to print this comment, Patris. Thank you.
Wow this was a well thought out raw piece. Superbly written with lessons learned and lessons to teach,
Thanks again, Stanley.
Corey, I am likely your oldest subscriber, old enough to be your mother and with my professional experience old enough to be your grandmother. My brief response may not justify this long well thought written work: It's always 'Both And' in life....
Thank you, Frances. Your comment is appreciated as much as any other. I appreciate the support.
without stating unnecessary numbers, i feel I am with you in the age range.... and i agree with what Corey’s writings brings and offers to us, the readers
Thank you, Alixandra. Very kind of you.
i love your writings Corey. They sit in me perfectly.
And i seem to nod yeses as if the words were of my own feelings and ways. And I can be a finicky reader. But i do not close your pieces, ever
Thank you for the compliments. It makes feel all warm and fuzzy knowing you enjoy the words that much. I never thought so many people would relate to my stories and critical self-examinations. It's wonderful—that sounds cheesy, but it's true.
This is a great one, Corey. I would have understood your initial comment, if I'd come across it at the time.
I've had to wrangle with my own self image lately. I'm a middle aged woman who just decided to hell with it, I need to shave my damned menopausal mustache. In a perfect world I would not have to worry about it, and I'm autistic enough not to care, but that doesn't do me any favors when the culture around me is twitchy about facial hair on women.
There's also this weird thing where my bio dad is slowly dying right now--dementia, alcoholism, and diabetes. Not sure how he's still alive, actually, but he's pretty tough. I'm adopted and he's adopted, and when we met each other (when I was 38) were were the only people we'd ever met who looked like us. This is a very strange and powerful bond, even though I didn't get much time with him before he started to really lose his mind. But in the past few months, as he's been dwindling, all I was able to see when I looked in the mirror was "ugly, broken old man." That's HIS self-image, not mine. The mustache thing didn't help!
I did some shamanic work last week. Now I can see myself in the mirror again, not my dad. It's a relief.
A sad but wonderful story about your father. I imagine you're immensely grateful for the time you've had with him.
I try not to look in mirrors unless necessary. It's too much, almost creepy. But vanity still has its way, despite the face looking back at me being so worn and uncertain.
The obsessions our culture has with appearance is unfortunate and sad. I hate when I catch myself worrying about a small stain on a shirt that I didn't know existed when I put the shirt on, and then I spend twenty minutes wondering if I should change. The conversation with myself almost always turns existential, as most do when I talk to myself. Mirrors are terrible objects.
Dude. I am SO grateful that I got to meet my dad. Even though it so weird and sad right now. It's like we were a tribe of two that got separated, but we recognized each other immediately when reunited even after all those decades.
Closed adoption sucks, and it's deeply unethical, but I won't get into that mess here.
As to mirrors - my dad and I mirrored each other, very closely. We had the same mannerisms and I think even the same vocal inflections. Human mirrors, with genetics and karma dictating the reflection. A mirror as an object is a tool. A mirror as a person? That's hard to wrap words around. I'm not ready to write about that. He's still dying. Probably I'll get around to it after he passes and things calm down.
It sometimes takes a long time before we can write about certain aspects of our lives. For three years, I tried writing about addiction and other crazy parts of my previous life and had to stop. I couldn't get anywhere with it—I was using fiction, too, writing a novel, to talk about, yet I still couldn't get past whatever was holding me back. Not until I wrote about that stuff on Substack last fall had I finally had any success. I wrote a three-part series about it, and when I was finished, I was depleted, my brain empty, my emotions wrecked. It was difficult.
I get you. There are pieces of my life I'm not sure I'll ever be able to write about. I never say never, but more like "not now" or "we'll see" but they're so intense that I can't get a grip on them, or there's also the fact that since I was raised between three different cultures there are experiences that don't translate to any culture at all, and are just plain difficult to explain. And I shy away from too much of the adoption stuff. People want to see adoption as this amazing cure-all, and it's not, and I don't have the bandwidth generally to push back against that idea.
Your writing about your addiction experiences is powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing it. I hope that crystallizing it into text helps you, too.
Yeah, some people get a tad feisty when you dismantle their cuddly notions on certain topics. I would probably shy away from talking about it, too, which is exactly why you should talk about.
Hahaha I'll pick my time. Got a lot on my plate right now, but it's not going anywhere, so I'll work it through when the energy is right.
I don't need to be on the vanguard of that topic. There are plenty of other adopted and donor conceived people out there who are younger and have more energy to be the tip of the spear. I'm 50 and I came here to build art visible from space, so that's where my energy goes right now.
I'll have to return to this delightful comment later when I have the time to read it more carefully and write an appropriate response. Sorry. I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I appreciate your reading the essay. Thank you.
Enjoyed this piece. Our imagination is most definitely not on our side! The weight of it…
Thank you, Nellie. I appreciate your taking the time to read it.
Well-written and direct, as always, Corey.
For whatever it’s worth, your piece prompted this response. If it’s off-base, feel free to delete.
Laughing is okay, too.
Identity, self-perception, objectivity, subjectivity-none of this occurs without judgment, one’s own or the judgment of others. And whether you call that judgment objective or subjective, it’s always based on the choices someone makes. Perhaps the most honest assessment I can give of myself is, “I am not who you think I am, and I am not even who I think I am.”
Two of your points stick out to me
1. People cannot see your intentions.
I think this is true. Often, we ourselves can’t see what our intentions are, or we misread them because of who we think we ought to be at any given moment.
Whatever people think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
2. It’s what happens outside your head that people will remember.
What people will remember will never be objective. It will always be based on their judgment of what they believe they see and hear.
And whatever they think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
Most of what you said were points I wanted to make, but it was all too much for my brain. I had to stop adding stuff and fix what I had and move on. Judgments, yes, because we can never know what really happens. How perceptions are influenced by everything that happens and doesn't happen to us was another thing I wanted to touch on. You know what I mean? Like, if I am five minutes late to work, I'll perceive your morning hello differently than if I were five minutes early and had had time to stop for a coffee and a cruller. Luckily, I don't need to leave the house for work. Intentions are often like lies, not that they are lies, but that many lies (that I don't consider lies) are not lies when the promise is made. We don't know what we will do because we don't know our intentions tomorrow or what challenges the day might bring. That made more sense in my head. Too much time at my computer lately.
I avoid making, or asking for promises for exactly that reason. They can be sincere, but can they be fulfilled? I prefer to have the best of intentions and do my best to stick to them.
I won't even make plans. Ha! I guarantee nothing.
My only guarantee to people is that nothing is guaranteed. Ever. I may not ever see you again. I’ll try, but.. nothing personal, it’s just a fact.
Like minds, my friend, like minds.
That makes sense, Corey.
What a post! Thanks for sharing such personal stuff, Corey. Knowing more about someone's story is how we gain insight into what shapes their own subjective outlook (and in-look). Honest, vulnerable shares are the most potent reads I find on Substack, and I cherish them. Here's to you...
I resonated immensely with your disclaimer. Sometimes I think of people as snakes who shed their skin each night. We can say some sacred words of blessing over the shed skin and leave it lay, or we can attempt to put it back on and stay who were were. Although doing that just adds countless layers of insulation between us and the world and means there's a lot of dead weight we're carry around. Another way of saying this is that we die to ourselves in any moment... something I feel your post takes direct aim at and hits its target well.
Wonderful job here, sir! And a great read to boot! My compliments.
Thank you, Jefferdam. I'm happy you resonated with any of it. I try to discuss things most people won't, faults and weaknesses included, and hope others can relate. Love the snake metaphor, too.
Two comments I have used before.
This one is a first.
I toss tennis balls for my dog to retrieve. When he chews one to bits, I provide him another.
On knowing oneself
In many ways we are
who our friends are.
They help reveal us to our selves in conversations and actions, and add layers to our cores, like rings to a tree.
Our agreements and disagreements define us each with every meeting, so we develop as many facets as friends.
If we lose a friend that facet may be largely assumed by another friend..
A person without friends has a rather static personality..
Good friends are those with whom we share many facets of ourselves.
And we become good friends to them.
Allow a thought formed by pain
To mingle with mantra sounds
So that those pain words
Become meaningless
The mixture
Breath by
Breath
Out
In
Becomes
A pendulum, coaxing
Restorative slumber as the words formed by thoughts of pain are dissolved.
"Om Mani Padme Hum" mantra or any other will do you well.
Who was it that said something like "We are a collection of everybody we've ever met?" Maya Angelou, I believe. Everything influences us. Great comment, Malcolm. Thank you.
And they each retain a part of us.
They certainly do.
Who I think I am informs how I act, and when I think myself different, I behave such. I can try on any way of thinking myself to be, and my actions will conform, so I don't believe others-perception and self-perception can be separated.
Which was part of my problem when writing this. I got in over my head and spent a week trying to savage this piece. I left a lot out.
I enjoyed reading it. I’m an amateur thinker in most every way, and a better philosopher would feast on my reductive outlook.
Thank you, Jody. As am I. I should've skipped the self-image bit and made the personal aspects its own piece to avoid the terror of thinking in depths I can't navigate.
Don’t be so harsh on yourselves people. You are here, aren’t you?
The honour of reading your comments is mine beyond measure.
Thank you, Kevin.
‘I write what I think is interesting, not what I believe is true.’
Such fluidity in thinking, in living, is vital, as you express so well in your writing. Especially in this absolute gem of a piece, Corey. You need a lot of self awareness to produce, and then, with your readers, further explore work of this calibre. One for the archives. Well done. This may be the best I’ve read from you so far. I’ve read it twice and there’s more to be unpacked, it resonates so deeply with me. Bravo. 👏✍️
That's a great compliment, Kevin. Thank you. I didn't know what to expect with this piece, so it's nice knowing you've gained so much from it.
It’s always good to know you are not alone in trying to figure out who we are, what we have constructed, what is true. Even better when the other person is articulating what you cannot. Showing you, however, that it is possible.
I tried it. It wasn’t for me, but I have friends who swear by it. I’m stuck with this smoking lark for life, I think. That and coffee. Terrible being an addict, eh? I’ve knocked other substances on the head, but nicotine and caffeine are my downfall, I’m afraid.
I average six cups a day. I can never seem to get cut it any lower than four a day. Nicotine and caffeine, reading and writing—a fantastic combination. It's difficult to sleep four hours a night and write all day without six cups of coffee.
I’m on the reading, nicotine, and coffee treadmill since I was a teenager. It was just books before that. I now want.. need?.. to begin writing. And post the damn things! 😆
Seeing others, like Tommy Dixon, and your good self putting your heart and soul into writing, and then just putting it out there, is inspiring. The sharing of your stories, thoughts, and experiences are always appreciated. I may do a piece on procrastination! I’m somewhat of an expert.
I can write two thousand words on procrastination, easily, and give great tips on how to avoid doing anything other than read. I call it procrasti-reading. I stole that from somebody but forget whom.
Couldn’t agree more. I don’t buy newspapers!
Neither do I, but I sometimes miss the feel of the paper between my fingers and the act of reading a it while drinking a fresh cup of coffee.
I hear you. I just smoke more now. Keeps the hands busy! ;)
I particularly like the broadsheets on Sunday mornings. Sports supplements. Political columnist rants. Foreign news. Then 08 happened. I was in construction and it had been imploding since 07, plain to see for all of us at the coalface. The lies that the news channels and print media told throughout that time, and during the bail outs were sickening. Now that was propaganda. They just would not say the R word till the last overpriced mortgage had been saddled on some poor bastard. Haven’t bought one since.
Smoked a lot of cigarettes though. Just had the last one of the day and it’s almost time to get up and do it all over again. Damn insomnia. Good for reading. Not much else. Nite Corey. Great stack man. Well done.
I miss cigarettes. Over three years ago, I moved into a fourth-floor apartment with no balcony. I'm too lazy to walk downstairs every thirty minutes, so I started dipping, a much grosser habit, one I wish I never started. It's really disgusting. I am ashamed. I'll likely delete this comment later because it is my ugly secret.
Possible to express one’s feelings, thoughts, beliefs in writing. I inadvertently pressed the send button on the phone. Inspirational stuff my friend. Thanks again.
That's the purpose of writing, isn't it? All else is propaganda.
At least! I can’t imagine life without coffee. The horror!! (;
Yes to all of this.
Thank you, Angela.
I love your disclaimer! It sounds a lot like mind, only you said it better. I think we all need to be more critical consumers of information. Without all of the yelling.
Haha. Thanks, John.
O my friend! You are so right! “ Subjectivity muddles reality!” Our lens on the world, life, ourselves and others is fundamentally distorted! Our perceptions are skewed! But it’s okay really if maybe we could just add a Rose colored tint and give each other the benefit of the doubt, assume we all mean well, have hope that live will conquer all. Live and peace to you my friend.
Thank you, Holly. I caught the auto-correct. Well, I thought that was what you meant on the first read.
Live = Love auto correct made an unintentional error!!! lol
Greetings, Corey - sorry it took so long to read your latest sharing!! LOVED this sentence:
"I’ve lost hair and skin, learned a little, confessed, dug a hole, and had my first facial—courtesy of my daughter. My face hasn’t felt so smooth and soft since my pubescent days. No doubt, I am a changed man. "
Mainly because you have that sardonic wit about you - in every essay I've read thus far.
Keep on sharing - no matter how disgusted you may feel about the "effort" - because you are dedicated, truthful and have that delightfuf sardonic wit gift--your sharing WILL be worthy!
Namaste!!
Thank you, Sharon. You know, you're the first person to quote the sentence with the facial in it. I'm surprised nobody has mentioned it. I forgot about it, actually. My face felt amazing. I'm looking forward to my next one. Yes, the effort can sometimes be daunting. But it'll never stop me.
HOORAY - happy to know that Corey (about being "UNdaunted by the daunting"!!)