This may be a repeat of some words, for I accidentally just lost the page. So I will start again.
Thank you for this very deep share, with great honesty and heart centeredness. Coming from there it is easy to say more than we intend. I’ve been there.
Who You Truly Are, We All Are is kind and caring, intuitive and smart, wanting to help others. It’s the way we were made and lived as young children.
However, at some point in humanity’s movement forward, this was forgotten, and instead a separation from these good qualities was replaced by self-criticisms, those passed on to others, they becoming self-criticizers also, hence the world we live in where judgments and wounding occurs all around. And we all, so doing, make up the world’s populations, and countries acting out of self and other wounding in reprisals.
Perhaps weep and revel in reclaiming the goodness you and we all were as children, for the healing of the world depends on us, being that with each other and ourselves, once again.
Others’ perceptions or misperceptions of you can come from their own self-misperceptions, but acting as much as possible from the goodness we are will also then be seen by them. Only this is important in what others think of us. Anything astray from that can be left behind.
This is part of what is called the perennial wisdom, that consciousness living in every being, we connected to the universal good that we see lives in nature when allowed to be balanced. We are part of it all and are here to be a part of a kind creation.
Have you ever read CS Lewis's "Till We Have Faces"? I first read it 20 years ago and it continues to haunt me still. I return to it often. The book is a re-telling of the myth of Psyche and Eros, told from the perspective of one of Pysche's sisters. It is entirely about the construction of self-identity, and how that sense of self is often at odds (though we rarely find this out) with how others actually see us. In that story, Psyche's sister must confront how her own warped sense of self, and her own self-placement at the center of her own story (as opposed to rightly seeing herself as but a player in the lives of others), has been the source of much of the pain Psyche and others endure.
A great piece. Some of the best intuitive writing on here. If I sound like a mom, there’s a reason, so with that said: you have no need to apologize, explain, keep any of who you are in anything but the sun. You are a fascinating, complex human, instructive - and an important voice - on how to live a life.
Corey, I am likely your oldest subscriber, old enough to be your mother and with my professional experience old enough to be your grandmother. My brief response may not justify this long well thought written work: It's always 'Both And' in life....
This is a great one, Corey. I would have understood your initial comment, if I'd come across it at the time.
I've had to wrangle with my own self image lately. I'm a middle aged woman who just decided to hell with it, I need to shave my damned menopausal mustache. In a perfect world I would not have to worry about it, and I'm autistic enough not to care, but that doesn't do me any favors when the culture around me is twitchy about facial hair on women.
There's also this weird thing where my bio dad is slowly dying right now--dementia, alcoholism, and diabetes. Not sure how he's still alive, actually, but he's pretty tough. I'm adopted and he's adopted, and when we met each other (when I was 38) were were the only people we'd ever met who looked like us. This is a very strange and powerful bond, even though I didn't get much time with him before he started to really lose his mind. But in the past few months, as he's been dwindling, all I was able to see when I looked in the mirror was "ugly, broken old man." That's HIS self-image, not mine. The mustache thing didn't help!
I did some shamanic work last week. Now I can see myself in the mirror again, not my dad. It's a relief.
For whatever it’s worth, your piece prompted this response. If it’s off-base, feel free to delete.
Laughing is okay, too.
Identity, self-perception, objectivity, subjectivity-none of this occurs without judgment, one’s own or the judgment of others. And whether you call that judgment objective or subjective, it’s always based on the choices someone makes. Perhaps the most honest assessment I can give of myself is, “I am not who you think I am, and I am not even who I think I am.”
Two of your points stick out to me
1. People cannot see your intentions.
I think this is true. Often, we ourselves can’t see what our intentions are, or we misread them because of who we think we ought to be at any given moment.
Whatever people think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
2. It’s what happens outside your head that people will remember.
What people will remember will never be objective. It will always be based on their judgment of what they believe they see and hear.
And whatever they think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
What a post! Thanks for sharing such personal stuff, Corey. Knowing more about someone's story is how we gain insight into what shapes their own subjective outlook (and in-look). Honest, vulnerable shares are the most potent reads I find on Substack, and I cherish them. Here's to you...
I resonated immensely with your disclaimer. Sometimes I think of people as snakes who shed their skin each night. We can say some sacred words of blessing over the shed skin and leave it lay, or we can attempt to put it back on and stay who were were. Although doing that just adds countless layers of insulation between us and the world and means there's a lot of dead weight we're carry around. Another way of saying this is that we die to ourselves in any moment... something I feel your post takes direct aim at and hits its target well.
Wonderful job here, sir! And a great read to boot! My compliments.
Who I think I am informs how I act, and when I think myself different, I behave such. I can try on any way of thinking myself to be, and my actions will conform, so I don't believe others-perception and self-perception can be separated.
I love your disclaimer! It sounds a lot like mind, only you said it better. I think we all need to be more critical consumers of information. Without all of the yelling.
O my friend! You are so right! “ Subjectivity muddles reality!” Our lens on the world, life, ourselves and others is fundamentally distorted! Our perceptions are skewed! But it’s okay really if maybe we could just add a Rose colored tint and give each other the benefit of the doubt, assume we all mean well, have hope that live will conquer all. Live and peace to you my friend.
Greetings, Corey - sorry it took so long to read your latest sharing!! LOVED this sentence:
"I’ve lost hair and skin, learned a little, confessed, dug a hole, and had my first facial—courtesy of my daughter. My face hasn’t felt so smooth and soft since my pubescent days. No doubt, I am a changed man. "
Mainly because you have that sardonic wit about you - in every essay I've read thus far.
Keep on sharing - no matter how disgusted you may feel about the "effort" - because you are dedicated, truthful and have that delightfuf sardonic wit gift--your sharing WILL be worthy!
Your heartfelt comments, no matter how you feel about them, really get me thinking. So much healing in your essays. Thank you.
This may be a repeat of some words, for I accidentally just lost the page. So I will start again.
Thank you for this very deep share, with great honesty and heart centeredness. Coming from there it is easy to say more than we intend. I’ve been there.
Who You Truly Are, We All Are is kind and caring, intuitive and smart, wanting to help others. It’s the way we were made and lived as young children.
However, at some point in humanity’s movement forward, this was forgotten, and instead a separation from these good qualities was replaced by self-criticisms, those passed on to others, they becoming self-criticizers also, hence the world we live in where judgments and wounding occurs all around. And we all, so doing, make up the world’s populations, and countries acting out of self and other wounding in reprisals.
Perhaps weep and revel in reclaiming the goodness you and we all were as children, for the healing of the world depends on us, being that with each other and ourselves, once again.
Others’ perceptions or misperceptions of you can come from their own self-misperceptions, but acting as much as possible from the goodness we are will also then be seen by them. Only this is important in what others think of us. Anything astray from that can be left behind.
This is part of what is called the perennial wisdom, that consciousness living in every being, we connected to the universal good that we see lives in nature when allowed to be balanced. We are part of it all and are here to be a part of a kind creation.
Have you ever read CS Lewis's "Till We Have Faces"? I first read it 20 years ago and it continues to haunt me still. I return to it often. The book is a re-telling of the myth of Psyche and Eros, told from the perspective of one of Pysche's sisters. It is entirely about the construction of self-identity, and how that sense of self is often at odds (though we rarely find this out) with how others actually see us. In that story, Psyche's sister must confront how her own warped sense of self, and her own self-placement at the center of her own story (as opposed to rightly seeing herself as but a player in the lives of others), has been the source of much of the pain Psyche and others endure.
I consider it one of Lewis's most profound works.
A great piece. Some of the best intuitive writing on here. If I sound like a mom, there’s a reason, so with that said: you have no need to apologize, explain, keep any of who you are in anything but the sun. You are a fascinating, complex human, instructive - and an important voice - on how to live a life.
Wow this was a well thought out raw piece. Superbly written with lessons learned and lessons to teach,
Corey, I am likely your oldest subscriber, old enough to be your mother and with my professional experience old enough to be your grandmother. My brief response may not justify this long well thought written work: It's always 'Both And' in life....
This is a great one, Corey. I would have understood your initial comment, if I'd come across it at the time.
I've had to wrangle with my own self image lately. I'm a middle aged woman who just decided to hell with it, I need to shave my damned menopausal mustache. In a perfect world I would not have to worry about it, and I'm autistic enough not to care, but that doesn't do me any favors when the culture around me is twitchy about facial hair on women.
There's also this weird thing where my bio dad is slowly dying right now--dementia, alcoholism, and diabetes. Not sure how he's still alive, actually, but he's pretty tough. I'm adopted and he's adopted, and when we met each other (when I was 38) were were the only people we'd ever met who looked like us. This is a very strange and powerful bond, even though I didn't get much time with him before he started to really lose his mind. But in the past few months, as he's been dwindling, all I was able to see when I looked in the mirror was "ugly, broken old man." That's HIS self-image, not mine. The mustache thing didn't help!
I did some shamanic work last week. Now I can see myself in the mirror again, not my dad. It's a relief.
Enjoyed this piece. Our imagination is most definitely not on our side! The weight of it…
Well-written and direct, as always, Corey.
For whatever it’s worth, your piece prompted this response. If it’s off-base, feel free to delete.
Laughing is okay, too.
Identity, self-perception, objectivity, subjectivity-none of this occurs without judgment, one’s own or the judgment of others. And whether you call that judgment objective or subjective, it’s always based on the choices someone makes. Perhaps the most honest assessment I can give of myself is, “I am not who you think I am, and I am not even who I think I am.”
Two of your points stick out to me
1. People cannot see your intentions.
I think this is true. Often, we ourselves can’t see what our intentions are, or we misread them because of who we think we ought to be at any given moment.
Whatever people think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
2. It’s what happens outside your head that people will remember.
What people will remember will never be objective. It will always be based on their judgment of what they believe they see and hear.
And whatever they think or believe they see and hear in the performance, they impute to the performer.
What a post! Thanks for sharing such personal stuff, Corey. Knowing more about someone's story is how we gain insight into what shapes their own subjective outlook (and in-look). Honest, vulnerable shares are the most potent reads I find on Substack, and I cherish them. Here's to you...
I resonated immensely with your disclaimer. Sometimes I think of people as snakes who shed their skin each night. We can say some sacred words of blessing over the shed skin and leave it lay, or we can attempt to put it back on and stay who were were. Although doing that just adds countless layers of insulation between us and the world and means there's a lot of dead weight we're carry around. Another way of saying this is that we die to ourselves in any moment... something I feel your post takes direct aim at and hits its target well.
Wonderful job here, sir! And a great read to boot! My compliments.
Two comments I have used before.
This one is a first.
I toss tennis balls for my dog to retrieve. When he chews one to bits, I provide him another.
On knowing oneself
In many ways we are
who our friends are.
They help reveal us to our selves in conversations and actions, and add layers to our cores, like rings to a tree.
Our agreements and disagreements define us each with every meeting, so we develop as many facets as friends.
If we lose a friend that facet may be largely assumed by another friend..
A person without friends has a rather static personality..
Good friends are those with whom we share many facets of ourselves.
And we become good friends to them.
Allow a thought formed by pain
To mingle with mantra sounds
So that those pain words
Become meaningless
The mixture
Breath by
Breath
Out
In
Becomes
A pendulum, coaxing
Restorative slumber as the words formed by thoughts of pain are dissolved.
"Om Mani Padme Hum" mantra or any other will do you well.
Who I think I am informs how I act, and when I think myself different, I behave such. I can try on any way of thinking myself to be, and my actions will conform, so I don't believe others-perception and self-perception can be separated.
Yes to all of this.
I love your disclaimer! It sounds a lot like mind, only you said it better. I think we all need to be more critical consumers of information. Without all of the yelling.
O my friend! You are so right! “ Subjectivity muddles reality!” Our lens on the world, life, ourselves and others is fundamentally distorted! Our perceptions are skewed! But it’s okay really if maybe we could just add a Rose colored tint and give each other the benefit of the doubt, assume we all mean well, have hope that live will conquer all. Live and peace to you my friend.
Greetings, Corey - sorry it took so long to read your latest sharing!! LOVED this sentence:
"I’ve lost hair and skin, learned a little, confessed, dug a hole, and had my first facial—courtesy of my daughter. My face hasn’t felt so smooth and soft since my pubescent days. No doubt, I am a changed man. "
Mainly because you have that sardonic wit about you - in every essay I've read thus far.
Keep on sharing - no matter how disgusted you may feel about the "effort" - because you are dedicated, truthful and have that delightfuf sardonic wit gift--your sharing WILL be worthy!
Namaste!!