Really loved this, Corey! I might contract you to write my obituary—which I plan won’t be needed for another 40 years or so. So, I’ll reach out then, assuming Substack will still be a thing. And btw, jumping out of an airplane is everything it’s cracked up to be.
I've been meaning to write my obituary, just to get it out of the way, you know. I had considered writing one, actually, to post here. Maybe I still will. I, of course, wouldn't take it too seriously. Oh, I noticed your comment on Mike's restack this morning while I was poking around Substack. You replied to him, so I was not notified. I had intended to respond today but have not made it there yet.
Please to meet you... Again... And I second the emotion on the name of your lump :) and I still like your style just as much now as before I knew you-I'm glad we never met in person, or neither of us would have quit drinking.
Our friendship would've made not drinking an even more difficult act, for sure. One of these days, though, I'm coming down there to shake your hand. I keep forgetting you're only a fifteen-minute drive from me. Maybe someday, if I'm feeling super adventurous, a rarity, I'll use public transportation.
My only means of transportation is the Manchester transit authority. When our day comes, I'll meet you at the Dunkin'. Donuts on elm and valley, ha ha.
It was eight a.m., and those were the clothes I had slept in, except for the threadbare long sleeve. I don't put on regular clothes until about noon, but that’s only if I must leave the house. Why create more laundry to wash?
Why? I don’t want to wear headbands. It’s not something I'm I'm into, regardless of whether it’s pink or not. I just like to keep the hair out of my face sometimes when I am home. Doesn't matter anymore, though. I've upgraded to a pink hair elastic.
One reason that I don't want to cut my hair is because I'm terrified to see what it will look like at its usual length. Terrified. I didn't want to have long hair. It just keeps growing. Now I'm getting slightly attached to it.
Thanks for reading, Alex. I appreciate the kind words, too.
Thank you, Todd. I think my autobiography would be interesting, but so do most people. I suppose anybody could have an intriguing autobiography if written well. Every human has a story to tell.
However, "Any life will seem dramatic if you omit mention of most of it." (Anne Beattie)
If I follow that idea, perhaps it might be worthwhile.
The archive of shit jobs, where would we be without them? My worst was canvasing for donations. It didn't matter that it was a worthy cause. It sucked.
So, for work, I write a work-related newsletter on one of those e-news platforms that tells you in advance how much your e-news sucks at search engine optimization and how likely it is that your content is going to be a flop. Just once, maybe right before I cut ties, I'm going to use this as my subject line.
Your story sounds like mine. Especially the backflips. I have a scar on my nose–guess where it came from. Congrats on your editing gig. You keep doing you and say hi to Balzac for me*.
*–I had a lump in my shoulder until I got in the Army. It was a fatty deposit, a lipoma in Docspeak. Good news: didn't have to pay a cent to have it removed. Bad news: the ancient "doctor" operated on me in the hallway, and almost certainly had no idea what "fascia" were...
Doctors, in my experience, are not as bright as we tend to think they are, and the longer they've been practicing, the further removed from their schooling, the less they seem to know.
Thank you, Michael. The other part of that story is that I had given the guy money to buy the beer for me because I was closing the bar and wouldn't be done work before stores stopped selling beer. But I had plenty booze at home—for me. I knew people were coming to my apartment after work and didn't want them drinking my liquor, so I bought beer for them. I repelled to keep people from drinking what was enough booze to last a sane person one month. The guy wasn't even mad. It was my beer after all. He was, however, pissed that he’d missed my foolish act.
This story just keeps getting better. I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to protect your personal bounty of beer, so much so that your act seems justifiable to me haha.
Being a recluse is underrated and has a bad reputation. People keep telling me I need people, that it’s human nature to socialize, yadda yadda. Be that as it may, I say, not everybody is the same. Perhaps if more people spent less time with other people and more time quietly alone, well … I was going somewhere with that but …
i get that a lot. i feel like i am part of a subgroup of introverts. quiet, solitude, time to read and write and paint and hike and bake bread, grow vegetables and snowshoe in the snow.
Really loved this, Corey! I might contract you to write my obituary—which I plan won’t be needed for another 40 years or so. So, I’ll reach out then, assuming Substack will still be a thing. And btw, jumping out of an airplane is everything it’s cracked up to be.
I've been meaning to write my obituary, just to get it out of the way, you know. I had considered writing one, actually, to post here. Maybe I still will. I, of course, wouldn't take it too seriously. Oh, I noticed your comment on Mike's restack this morning while I was poking around Substack. You replied to him, so I was not notified. I had intended to respond today but have not made it there yet.
Please to meet you... Again... And I second the emotion on the name of your lump :) and I still like your style just as much now as before I knew you-I'm glad we never met in person, or neither of us would have quit drinking.
Our friendship would've made not drinking an even more difficult act, for sure. One of these days, though, I'm coming down there to shake your hand. I keep forgetting you're only a fifteen-minute drive from me. Maybe someday, if I'm feeling super adventurous, a rarity, I'll use public transportation.
My only means of transportation is the Manchester transit authority. When our day comes, I'll meet you at the Dunkin'. Donuts on elm and valley, ha ha.
I know that Dunks all too well.
The ensemble needs work. Serious dressing in the dark vibes.
It was eight a.m., and those were the clothes I had slept in, except for the threadbare long sleeve. I don't put on regular clothes until about noon, but that’s only if I must leave the house. Why create more laundry to wash?
Now it makes perfect sense.
Perhaps it's time to stop borrowing headbands, time to be a big boy and buy your own?
Why? I don’t want to wear headbands. It’s not something I'm I'm into, regardless of whether it’s pink or not. I just like to keep the hair out of my face sometimes when I am home. Doesn't matter anymore, though. I've upgraded to a pink hair elastic.
I'm with you on the man bun, yet thinning hair, lol. So impressed with what you've taught yourself in just a few years
One reason that I don't want to cut my hair is because I'm terrified to see what it will look like at its usual length. Terrified. I didn't want to have long hair. It just keeps growing. Now I'm getting slightly attached to it.
Thanks for reading, Alex. I appreciate the kind words, too.
This was a fun read and we have a few things in common, Corey!
Thank you, Dana.
Corey, you’re truly one of one. Absolutely love it. And love to see DeLillo and Roth in the stack ✊🏼
Haha. Thank you. Happy to see I'm not the only one who checks book titles in pictures. I zoom right in and browse.
No, but your title made me laugh
No? Oh, it doesn't make my face look fat? No matter, happy I could make you laugh.
🤣 still giggling!
You have the perfect background to be a writer. Good start on an autobiographical piece. Keep it up.
Thank you, Todd. I think my autobiography would be interesting, but so do most people. I suppose anybody could have an intriguing autobiography if written well. Every human has a story to tell.
However, "Any life will seem dramatic if you omit mention of most of it." (Anne Beattie)
If I follow that idea, perhaps it might be worthwhile.
Thank you for sharing your life to date. Know what you mean about no people and quiet - it's heaven
Thank you for reading it. Happy you enjoyed my buffoonery.
Kudos on use of ‘buffoonery’. Seriously underused.
Thank you. It is an undervalued word, I think.
The archive of shit jobs, where would we be without them? My worst was canvasing for donations. It didn't matter that it was a worthy cause. It sucked.
I'm trying so hard not to have to find another shitty job right now. There are more than the ones I listed, too. I gave the highlights. Haha.
So, for work, I write a work-related newsletter on one of those e-news platforms that tells you in advance how much your e-news sucks at search engine optimization and how likely it is that your content is going to be a flop. Just once, maybe right before I cut ties, I'm going to use this as my subject line.
SEO, content, e-news . . . Oy. I wouldn't last a day in your working shoes. I hope you one day get to write that subject line. I really do.
The work is actually mostly good. It's the platform hijinks that give me a bad case of side-eye. :)
Your story sounds like mine. Especially the backflips. I have a scar on my nose–guess where it came from. Congrats on your editing gig. You keep doing you and say hi to Balzac for me*.
*–I had a lump in my shoulder until I got in the Army. It was a fatty deposit, a lipoma in Docspeak. Good news: didn't have to pay a cent to have it removed. Bad news: the ancient "doctor" operated on me in the hallway, and almost certainly had no idea what "fascia" were...
Doctors, in my experience, are not as bright as we tend to think they are, and the longer they've been practicing, the further removed from their schooling, the less they seem to know.
A great introduction, Corey.
The story about careening down a fourth story balcony to get some beer is amazing! :)
Thank you, Michael. The other part of that story is that I had given the guy money to buy the beer for me because I was closing the bar and wouldn't be done work before stores stopped selling beer. But I had plenty booze at home—for me. I knew people were coming to my apartment after work and didn't want them drinking my liquor, so I bought beer for them. I repelled to keep people from drinking what was enough booze to last a sane person one month. The guy wasn't even mad. It was my beer after all. He was, however, pissed that he’d missed my foolish act.
This story just keeps getting better. I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to protect your personal bounty of beer, so much so that your act seems justifiable to me haha.
Thanks Corey :)
Yes. Very, very.
Very fat?
Yep!^^
i live in a cabin in the woods. it's everything it's cracked up to be. i am probably on my way to being a recluse. yay!
Also, love your profile picture.
thanks, corey. winter and snow are my favorite times of the year.
Mine too. I am the only person I know who is pissed about spring being here.
hilarious. my best friend always grumbles loudly when the sun is out!
Haha. I do that.
Being a recluse is underrated and has a bad reputation. People keep telling me I need people, that it’s human nature to socialize, yadda yadda. Be that as it may, I say, not everybody is the same. Perhaps if more people spent less time with other people and more time quietly alone, well … I was going somewhere with that but …
i get that a lot. i feel like i am part of a subgroup of introverts. quiet, solitude, time to read and write and paint and hike and bake bread, grow vegetables and snowshoe in the snow.