I don't know you, man, I'm not an addict, and that was a very LONG post... but it was extremely well-written and well worth my time. Thanks! I hope you're still sober and that your daughter is still sleeping over!! - Trules
Yeah, it was long. I considered separating it into two pieces. But I didn't publish anything last week, so I thought my readers might be okay with a longer post this week. I spent a heck of a lot of time editing and revising it to make sure it was engaging and worthwhile. I'm happy to hear you found it worth your time. I appreciate the kind words.
Oh, and my daughter has been at my house for the last four days. I am still sober and thoroughly enjoying life, despite its challenges.
I just laughed so loudly, alone, that my neighbors probably heard me, even over the loud Christmas music blasting from the record store below my apartment. I couldn't change a tire even if I wanted to. My back is ruined. I might write something about that at some point. My experience with workers’ comp. and doctors and one surgeon would make a great farce.
Yeah. I can't sit for too long and I can't stand for very long. I pace a lot. It's difficult to get into a zone when writing because of my need to move around. It sucks.
Thank you so much, Frances. Your support is very helpful and your timing impeccable. I appreciate you. Okay, back to work. Hoping to get a new essay out in the next day or so. Again, thank you.
I kept telling my therapist, what's the point if no one believes you are sober? Might as well be drunk, because they don't believe you anyway. This piece really hit home. Thank you for writing it. It couldn't have been easy.
This was the easiest of the three to write as far as having to relive memories but the hardest to write in terms of deciding what to put into it because so much happened, even in the first six months.
You put it together really well, and damn, what an ending! Fortunately, I got sober before having children. I have a late Uncle whose alcoholism was quite severe, and I think that allowed me to see where I was headed without having to hit quite so low a bottom. I'm glad, I still hated making amends, I got so overwhelmed with guilt and shame.
Step 9 in twelve step programs. In Step 8 you make a "searching inventory" of people you have wronged in some way, particularly due to your addiction. In step 9 you work with your sponsor, often others as well to figure out who and how you should make amends. If you've stolen money and never admitted you did so, for example, a common plan would be to save up that amount of money, call or write the person, admit you stole the money from them when you were still drinking, apologize sincerely, return that amount of money to them, tell them you realize that you broke their trust and violated the expectations of your relationship, and you are now in recovery and working to be a better person and beginning to make amends to those you have harmed when you were drinking/using and trying to live a better life. If you are in person, you listen. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it does not. The other person does not have to forgive you. They can rant at you for all the ways you messed up their life. Making sure you don't go into it trying to guilt them into telling you they forgive you so you can feel better is one of the key parts of preparing to make amends. The other part is getting the support so that you won't use someone still being angry at you as an excuse to drink. I'm not going to share mine here as it's quite personal and involves the other person. I really had one major ones. There were others, of course, but as I admitted to various people who had told me I'd had a drinking problem that they were right after all when they noticed I was no longer drinking, I had made the smaller amends earlier.
Well, now I feel like a big jerk. I was being sarcastic. I am very familiar with AA. I never liked it and spent as little time in the program as possible, though I still spent countless hours in church basements clutching a styrofoam cup. I've also been to treatment centers, many throughout the country, some in crumbling buildings, some in renovated spa clubs. Still, I never did the steps.
Thank you, Tree. I'm happy I could make you smile. I'm also happy you didn't think it was too long. I always feel if the writing is good enough and the story valuable, you can write as many words as necessary. The tricky part is actually writing well, i.e., revising. Thanks again for the kind words.
Excellent, Corey! This triptych certainly ran the course of emotions and the writing is top-notch, and I’m happy that you’ve reached this point! Thanks for being brave and skilled enough to share the journey.
Thank you, Paul. I appreciate the kind words. Happy you enjoyed it. I can't lie, I'm excited to move on to something else. Then again, everything I write revolves around the experiences in these essays and my daughter, even when the words are not directly about them.
Thank you for sharing! My husband is coming up on 13 years of sobriety in 6 days, and he celebrates with our 2 year old daughter. It's not easy to understand his journey and stories like this help me feel closer to it.
Excellent. Never forgetting 'what it was like and what happened' are critical...No matter how long you've been in recovery. Many of the books and short stories I write feature people who are in recovery because that's something I know.
Thank you, John. I also create many characters struggling with addiction or trying to grasp early sobriety when I write fiction. I have several stories that need work and hope to share them here someday.
Thanks once again for giving us a piece of yourself. Most people don't understand or should I say have empathy for what an addict endures.
I had weight loss surgery 12/26/2003. This will be 20 years for me! I lost 165 pounds. It was a life changing experience for me. When I am with people who never had to struggle with weight issues and we see someone who is obese/fat, they often say unkind words about the obese person. I then try my best to explain to the thinner person that no one wants to be fat. No one gets fat on purpose. (Dare I say not even today's proponents of "fat is beautiful". I know it is the same with addiction to alcohol, drugs or whatever. People don't wake up and say, "I think I'll become an alcoholic today." If that were so, it would be easy to quit.
I opted for the gastric bypass for just that reason. It's permanent. My stomach is smaller, so it's impossible for me to eat as much as I used to. I get stomach pain if I overdo it. It's still not easy. I've had to come to grips with knowing I'll never be skinny. I will always be over weight by BMI standards. But, I am what I like to consider "normal". I eat like a normal person. I can eat anything, just less. With alcohol and drugs, you can never use those things again. So much harder.
Happily, there is a positive future to look forward to. As you learn more about yourself and regain your confidence, you will be able to build new relationships and build a new and better for you life with your daughter as I have built a new and better life for myself.
It took two failed marriages (a whole other story!) to get to this happy marriage I now enjoy. You can do it one day at a time. . . .
You nailed it, Catherine. Nobody strives to be overweight or addicted to drugs. The stigma, though, will likely never die. I've watched my mother struggle with her weight her entire life and have always been irritated when I hear people insult obese people. The proponents of “fat is beautiful” are, I think, deceiving themselves. I am wrong more than I am right. I'm sure there are a few who truly mean it. Maybe not. Who knows? I'm happy to hear you are doing well and living happily. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story here and for reading my words.
I've always been "Rubenesque" (about 50 lbs. heavier than my weight as a young wife and mother). But I admire that I am still STANDING STRONG in this life that is no picnic--even when you aren't struggling with addictions of one type or another!!
ACCEPT YOUR FAULTS AND REJOICE IN THE LOVE SHARED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!! You are so, so blessed, Corey.
Tears of all the feels and especially the joy I felt in that scene with your daughter. I was captivated by every word. Incredible storytelling Corey and also what immense strength you have 🩵
Of course! Experiencing the highs and lows of being a dad, I really connect when someone writes about (or for) their children.
My daughters were the impetus for me coming to Substack, and I have to believe that for many, their children have a big impact on their why for their writing.
I firmly believe everything I write, even the mature scenes in fiction, is for my daughter, whether directly or indirectly: the themes, the message in the bottle, life lessons, and what have you. I don't have enough time left on Earth to teach her everything I want to so I will leave a trail of ink, loose leaves, notebooks, and thumb drives, perhaps the occasional coded message in a book I've notated.
That is so cool...a "recipe book" for living if you will.
I wrote a letter to my two girls about my search for contentment with the hope that they will be able to side-step some of the struggles I have endured.
But, I would be naive to think that my daughters won't look elsewhere for direction too...hence, the idea of pulling together a collection of insights from a number of different people provides the hope that they will see trends on what a life of true abundance and meaning looks like.
I so love the legacy you are leaving for your daughter!
I thought of doing a collection of letters years ago, just pen and paper, and letting my daughter find it when I'm gone. I never did get around to doing it.
Scene. You are truly beautiful. You are very smart. You know big words and little ones! You weave then together like an intricate silk rug from Persia. Did you know that often 'mistakes' are woven in because only God is perfect? Look for the mistakes but lean into your weave.
Enjoyed reading your words, so powerfully written. Thank the Lord your business here was not finished, so much more to share and I look forward to hearing your stories.
Another beaut Corey. The pain oozes between the letter and lines, dances over punctuation marks and haunts every idea expressed. Yes, the horrors of "Georgian* Go-Juice" are real, whether consumed as wine or any of its other Medusa-like faces. I have my own sob stories. Interestingly, what most people don't realize is that alcohol is tied forever to the early farmers, which means it is also bound fast to the very roots of western civilization, and, since this region was populated by Caucasians at the time, renders it yet another accomplishment? despicable advancement? (tomato potahto) of white men. Yippee. Keep the faith my brother.
"Most people don’t care that you’re sober, and those who do care won’t believe you, not at first." Yes and yes.
Thanks, Sherman.
You're welcome.
Wow, imagine having Sherman Alexie pick out a memorable quote from one of your pieces! Well, you don't have to imagine, it happened to you.
I don't know you, man, I'm not an addict, and that was a very LONG post... but it was extremely well-written and well worth my time. Thanks! I hope you're still sober and that your daughter is still sleeping over!! - Trules
Yeah, it was long. I considered separating it into two pieces. But I didn't publish anything last week, so I thought my readers might be okay with a longer post this week. I spent a heck of a lot of time editing and revising it to make sure it was engaging and worthwhile. I'm happy to hear you found it worth your time. I appreciate the kind words.
Oh, and my daughter has been at my house for the last four days. I am still sober and thoroughly enjoying life, despite its challenges.
Good to hear, man. You're a good writer. Here's a short post on my other Substack, "Trules Rules", also one of gratefulness: https://erictrules.substack.com/p/from-my-front-door
Thank you, Eric. I saved your post. I hope you don't mind if I read it later today. I am looking forward to it.
This tips me over into paid subscriberhood.
Thank you, Jonathan. Wait—really? Either way, that's a heck of a compliment. Thank you.
Both metaphorically and literally.
Also I was wondering if as a perk you could give me a hand putting on my winter tires.
I just laughed so loudly, alone, that my neighbors probably heard me, even over the loud Christmas music blasting from the record store below my apartment. I couldn't change a tire even if I wanted to. My back is ruined. I might write something about that at some point. My experience with workers’ comp. and doctors and one surgeon would make a great farce.
Yes, do!
I wrote down a lot of what transpired as it happened in case I ever went to court, so I should have a lot of details to pull from.
You just read that he messed up his back!
I laughed though.
Yeah. I can't sit for too long and I can't stand for very long. I pace a lot. It's difficult to get into a zone when writing because of my need to move around. It sucks.
That's why I figured helping me change my tires would be therapeutic!
Seriously, though, chronic pain does suck. I hope you get some healing and relief, my friend.
I haven’t done it yet because I’m traveling, but I will.
Thank you, Jonathan. I am grateful.
Yes, me too, Jonathan. I'm an 80 yo old bat who just loved this.
Thank you so much, Frances. Your support is very helpful and your timing impeccable. I appreciate you. Okay, back to work. Hoping to get a new essay out in the next day or so. Again, thank you.
I kept telling my therapist, what's the point if no one believes you are sober? Might as well be drunk, because they don't believe you anyway. This piece really hit home. Thank you for writing it. It couldn't have been easy.
This was the easiest of the three to write as far as having to relive memories but the hardest to write in terms of deciding what to put into it because so much happened, even in the first six months.
You put it together really well, and damn, what an ending! Fortunately, I got sober before having children. I have a late Uncle whose alcoholism was quite severe, and I think that allowed me to see where I was headed without having to hit quite so low a bottom. I'm glad, I still hated making amends, I got so overwhelmed with guilt and shame.
What's an amends?
Step 9 in twelve step programs. In Step 8 you make a "searching inventory" of people you have wronged in some way, particularly due to your addiction. In step 9 you work with your sponsor, often others as well to figure out who and how you should make amends. If you've stolen money and never admitted you did so, for example, a common plan would be to save up that amount of money, call or write the person, admit you stole the money from them when you were still drinking, apologize sincerely, return that amount of money to them, tell them you realize that you broke their trust and violated the expectations of your relationship, and you are now in recovery and working to be a better person and beginning to make amends to those you have harmed when you were drinking/using and trying to live a better life. If you are in person, you listen. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it does not. The other person does not have to forgive you. They can rant at you for all the ways you messed up their life. Making sure you don't go into it trying to guilt them into telling you they forgive you so you can feel better is one of the key parts of preparing to make amends. The other part is getting the support so that you won't use someone still being angry at you as an excuse to drink. I'm not going to share mine here as it's quite personal and involves the other person. I really had one major ones. There were others, of course, but as I admitted to various people who had told me I'd had a drinking problem that they were right after all when they noticed I was no longer drinking, I had made the smaller amends earlier.
Well, now I feel like a big jerk. I was being sarcastic. I am very familiar with AA. I never liked it and spent as little time in the program as possible, though I still spent countless hours in church basements clutching a styrofoam cup. I've also been to treatment centers, many throughout the country, some in crumbling buildings, some in renovated spa clubs. Still, I never did the steps.
Being sober is the best form of revenge.
Isn't it? So true.
Oh yes, this one hit me hard. "You lied to yourself to justify using drugs and alcohol, and now you must lie to yourself to stay away from them."
I was captured by this post and no, it wasn't too long. Every word was worth it.
Thank you for your honesty.
I'm smiling so hard right now, my cheeks are touching my eyes.
Thank you, Tree. I'm happy I could make you smile. I'm also happy you didn't think it was too long. I always feel if the writing is good enough and the story valuable, you can write as many words as necessary. The tricky part is actually writing well, i.e., revising. Thanks again for the kind words.
You're a master at editing. Clean, clear prose that creates unforgettable images.
Thank you!
It was the perfect length of words! Each sentence is needed.
Thank you, Alixandra. That makes me feel a little better.
Excellent, Corey! This triptych certainly ran the course of emotions and the writing is top-notch, and I’m happy that you’ve reached this point! Thanks for being brave and skilled enough to share the journey.
Thank you, Paul. I appreciate the kind words. Happy you enjoyed it. I can't lie, I'm excited to move on to something else. Then again, everything I write revolves around the experiences in these essays and my daughter, even when the words are not directly about them.
Thank you for sharing! My husband is coming up on 13 years of sobriety in 6 days, and he celebrates with our 2 year old daughter. It's not easy to understand his journey and stories like this help me feel closer to it.
Thank you, Shannon. Congrats to your husband. That is awesome.
Corey, this is a beautiful piece. It was stirring. And to address your statement at the start -- we care that you're sober.
You're too kind kind. Thank you, Ben.
Excellent. Never forgetting 'what it was like and what happened' are critical...No matter how long you've been in recovery. Many of the books and short stories I write feature people who are in recovery because that's something I know.
Thank you, John. I also create many characters struggling with addiction or trying to grasp early sobriety when I write fiction. I have several stories that need work and hope to share them here someday.
Great essay and well written. Thanks so much .
Thank you, Jann.
Thanks once again for giving us a piece of yourself. Most people don't understand or should I say have empathy for what an addict endures.
I had weight loss surgery 12/26/2003. This will be 20 years for me! I lost 165 pounds. It was a life changing experience for me. When I am with people who never had to struggle with weight issues and we see someone who is obese/fat, they often say unkind words about the obese person. I then try my best to explain to the thinner person that no one wants to be fat. No one gets fat on purpose. (Dare I say not even today's proponents of "fat is beautiful". I know it is the same with addiction to alcohol, drugs or whatever. People don't wake up and say, "I think I'll become an alcoholic today." If that were so, it would be easy to quit.
I opted for the gastric bypass for just that reason. It's permanent. My stomach is smaller, so it's impossible for me to eat as much as I used to. I get stomach pain if I overdo it. It's still not easy. I've had to come to grips with knowing I'll never be skinny. I will always be over weight by BMI standards. But, I am what I like to consider "normal". I eat like a normal person. I can eat anything, just less. With alcohol and drugs, you can never use those things again. So much harder.
Happily, there is a positive future to look forward to. As you learn more about yourself and regain your confidence, you will be able to build new relationships and build a new and better for you life with your daughter as I have built a new and better life for myself.
It took two failed marriages (a whole other story!) to get to this happy marriage I now enjoy. You can do it one day at a time. . . .
You nailed it, Catherine. Nobody strives to be overweight or addicted to drugs. The stigma, though, will likely never die. I've watched my mother struggle with her weight her entire life and have always been irritated when I hear people insult obese people. The proponents of “fat is beautiful” are, I think, deceiving themselves. I am wrong more than I am right. I'm sure there are a few who truly mean it. Maybe not. Who knows? I'm happy to hear you are doing well and living happily. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story here and for reading my words.
I've always been "Rubenesque" (about 50 lbs. heavier than my weight as a young wife and mother). But I admire that I am still STANDING STRONG in this life that is no picnic--even when you aren't struggling with addictions of one type or another!!
ACCEPT YOUR FAULTS AND REJOICE IN THE LOVE SHARED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!! You are so, so blessed, Corey.
Oh, I’m way past acceptance. Acceptance even accepts me.
Tears of all the feels and especially the joy I felt in that scene with your daughter. I was captivated by every word. Incredible storytelling Corey and also what immense strength you have 🩵
Thank you, Kali. I'm delighted you enjoyed these essays so much.
Corey,
This makes me tear up. As a fellow girl dad, this is what it's all about...we were designed for this!
Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing your story.
Thank you, Jordan. I appreciate the kind words.
Of course! Experiencing the highs and lows of being a dad, I really connect when someone writes about (or for) their children.
My daughters were the impetus for me coming to Substack, and I have to believe that for many, their children have a big impact on their why for their writing.
I firmly believe everything I write, even the mature scenes in fiction, is for my daughter, whether directly or indirectly: the themes, the message in the bottle, life lessons, and what have you. I don't have enough time left on Earth to teach her everything I want to so I will leave a trail of ink, loose leaves, notebooks, and thumb drives, perhaps the occasional coded message in a book I've notated.
That is so cool...a "recipe book" for living if you will.
I wrote a letter to my two girls about my search for contentment with the hope that they will be able to side-step some of the struggles I have endured.
But, I would be naive to think that my daughters won't look elsewhere for direction too...hence, the idea of pulling together a collection of insights from a number of different people provides the hope that they will see trends on what a life of true abundance and meaning looks like.
I so love the legacy you are leaving for your daughter!
I thought of doing a collection of letters years ago, just pen and paper, and letting my daughter find it when I'm gone. I never did get around to doing it.
You still could do a collection and house it on your Substack! 😉
Similar to you, my collection is housed on Substack, as well as my letter for them: https://www.thewealthletters.com/p/the-wealthy-window-washer
Scene. You are truly beautiful. You are very smart. You know big words and little ones! You weave then together like an intricate silk rug from Persia. Did you know that often 'mistakes' are woven in because only God is perfect? Look for the mistakes but lean into your weave.
A beautiful sentiment. Thank you. And I appreciate the kind words, Alyce. Glad you enjoyed the essay.
Enjoyed reading your words, so powerfully written. Thank the Lord your business here was not finished, so much more to share and I look forward to hearing your stories.
I’m glad you’re still with us.
Thank you, Julie.
Another beaut Corey. The pain oozes between the letter and lines, dances over punctuation marks and haunts every idea expressed. Yes, the horrors of "Georgian* Go-Juice" are real, whether consumed as wine or any of its other Medusa-like faces. I have my own sob stories. Interestingly, what most people don't realize is that alcohol is tied forever to the early farmers, which means it is also bound fast to the very roots of western civilization, and, since this region was populated by Caucasians at the time, renders it yet another accomplishment? despicable advancement? (tomato potahto) of white men. Yippee. Keep the faith my brother.
*–wine originated in this region.
Interesting thought: accomplishment or not? Food for thought. Thank you, Jack.